Christmas 2014

So it turns out there's a lot of decorating I can do around the house that will help me celebrate Winter Solstice: lights and wreaths are likely the way I'll go.  And if you start counting from the day of Winter Solstice (Dec. 21), then there are 12 days from there to New Year's Day, so maybe I'll do something to incorporate a variation of "The 12 Days of Christmas" into wintery festive celebrations.  I've found a few books at the library about the history of solstice/equinox celebrations and I'll see which books are good and recommendable.  I started thinking about solstice celebrations too late this year and we weren't even home for it, so perhaps next year I'll decorate for winter.

This year we went down to my parents' house in California.  Here are some pictures of our time in The Golden State:

A place near San Jose called Happy Hollow.  Baby Girl was just tall enough to be able to ride the little roller coaster by herself and Little One was just tall enough to ride at all.

 Face paint at Happy Hollow.  She wanted to be a brown dragon.

We showed him the options and he kept saying "buh-fwy", so we gave him a butterfly (they called it a moth, but it's a butterfly).  ;)

Christmas presents.  We got her "The Rescuers" and "The Rescuers Down Under" which she's never seen before but I liked them a lot as a kid and so I think she might, too.

Mc recording the opening of the presents.  Little One is there on the left; he opened that from us first and he didn't care what else was going on around him for about 15 minutes.

My sisters and me.

Four-generation picture.  All of us are firstborns in our families, too.

My little family.  Baby Girl sure is silly during pictures!

Playing the "Sorry" board game and visiting.  My parents, Baby Girl, her little cousin, and my sister and her fiance.

The sunrise on our way back home; the horizon was RED and I think that's Sacramento below us.  It was neat to see.

All in all, our time there was nice.  We would have done more things, but Mc was sick the whole time and the kids were under the weather for a few days, too; for once I was the healthy one!  The kids are better now, and Mc is about 85% healthy.  We still enjoyed seeing most of my siblings and their families, and hopefully sometime soon we can have a family reunion or something where all of us can be there.

What to Do About Christmas?

I don't know what to do about Christmas this year.

I've never been into buying or receiving gifts; of the 5 "love languages", Gifts is 4th down on the list.  Gifts aren't very important to me, so buying gift for others during this time of year just feels like giving in to the consumerism of Christmas.

When we were first married, Mc and I found a way to make the holiday season more about Christ.  We don't have a Christmas tree, we have a nativity set that we set up and then put the Christmas presents under it.  We limited the number of gifts that we give our children to three each to symbolize the three gifts Jesus got from the wise men.  And we are going to teach our kids that the story of Santa isn't real, and we'll teach them where that tradition came from and why so many people like it.

But this is the first Christmas season where I'm no longer a Christian and I'm not even a theist, and so the Jesus part of Christmas doesn't resonate with me anymore.  I respect that it's important for a lot of people, and Mc is still a Christian, but the Christmas season no longer has a personal meaning for me.  And yet I certainly won't go the secular route and have Christmas be all about Santa and reindeer and jingle bells, because I've never liked that stuff to begin with.  So I'm wondering what I could do during this time of year that has some meaning for me.

I'm playing around with the idea of celebrating winter solstice somehow.  Winter solstice marks the darkest day of the year in the Northern hemisphere, and every day after that gets lighter for longer until it peaks at the summer solstice, and many cultures around the world used to celebrate the winter solstice to mark the start of lighter days to come.  That's how Christmas came about anyway: Christians sought to replace the "pagan" winter solstice celebrations with Christian ones, and since they believed Jesus was the light of the world, they decided his birthday should take the place of the winter solstice celebrations (some pre-Christian solstice traditions have survived throughout the years, like the Yule log).

With a little bit of research and creativity I think I can find a way to make this December season meaningful to me, either by doing something separate or by combining it with Christmas somehow.  Just something lighthearted and fun.  Mc and I will talk about what we want to do as a family to incorporate my current beliefs with his, if anything.  Mc still gets time off of work around this time and we get to visit out-of-state family, and that's still going to be nice.

Reviewing Self-Defense Material

Until now I had doubted that I would read through my self-defense teaching material until my daughter is old enough for me to teach her these things.  But a few weeks ago at a church ladies' Halloween get-together which my neighbor invited me to, I chatted with one of the women there and my self-defense teaching came up.

She asked if I was working and I said no, I'm home with my kids.  Then I mentioned some of the jobs I've had in the past, and my self-defense teaching was one of them.  She said, "It's funny that you mention self-defense, because just last week I had a police officer suggest I take some self-defense classes."  And then she told me her story.

She's a runner, and for the past couple of weeks she's been out running on a specific road, and three or four separate times she's seen a car drive past her very slowly, park up ahead on the other side of the street, and wait until she runs by and slowly drive past her again.  They've been different cars each time, but that's still a big cause for concern.  The last time this happened, the person parked up ahead but on her side of the street, and she would have had to run right past his car to continue on her way.  She didn't want to do that, so instead she ran to someone's house and explained what was happening and asked if she could stay there until the man left.  The woman said yes and also suggested she call the police.  She hesitated a moment but then agreed, and two big strong police officers came to the address and she talked to them and they gave her a ride home.  They suggested she take some self-defense classes and they also gave her a few general tips on safety, and I nodded as I recognized much of what they said from my classes.

She asked if I'd be willing to teach some of the Relief Society ladies a class or two on self-defense, and I said I would love to, just let me know when.

I haven't heard anything yet, but last week during the Relief Society activity that my neighbor invited me to, a different lady came up to me and said she heard I teach self-defense (I like that word is getting around), and if I would be willing to teach the ladies and perhaps the young women as well, and I said yes.

Last night I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and it's a murder mystery and crime novel, and today I wondered how many of the women in the book would have lived if they had known some kind of self-defense.  So while the grisly murders from that book are still fresh in my mind (and I hope the memories fade soon), I want to tackle my self-defense books.  The official R.A.D. course is about 10 hours worth of material, mostly physical fighting drills, and that will take only a few hours to review.  What will take much longer is going over the two books I've decided to add to my teaching of the RAD course: The Gift of Fear, and Talking Back to Sexual Pressure.  I don't yet know when the church ladies will set up the class, but I know they want to do it soon since the sun is setting much earlier now and it's dark for a long time, and I want to have these two books reread so they're fresh in my mind for these upcoming classes.

I'm excited because it's been about four years since I've taught the self-defense classes and yet I can feel that it's still a passion of mine.  But it's also going to be hard to prepare for this because I'll have to be looking at the evils in human nature and the sickness that's part of this country's culture regarding sexuality and power.  It's a complicated mix of emotions, but I'm motivated to begin my preparations.

Average Update

I feel like there hasn't been much of anything to talk about lately, but for many members of our family this blog is the main way they find out how we're doing because I don't post multiple times a day on Facebook, and when I do post it isn't usually personal stuff.  So here's a small update.

Mc
Mc's job is going well, for the most part.  He likes the people he works with and the bulldog who sits behind him (in his building the employees are allowed to bring their dogs to work, and the woman who sits behind him brings her bulldog).  He likes the work he is assigned to do, but there are too many things that need to be fixed or automated that currently aren't, and often he feels like there are just not enough hours in the day to do everything that he's expected to do.  He's doing his best, though, and he is getting things done.  He gets home late but he still has about an hour or two with the kids, and they're happy when he comes home.

Me
I'm doing fine.  I take the kids to the park when it's not raining and I get to read books while they play and make friends.  A young couple in Mc's church lives just down the hall from us, and the gal and I have become friends.  We've been over to their house to play games, and our kids get along great.  She's invited me to a couple of activities with other church ladies (which I don't mind), and one of them was a book club meeting.  I found out about it a week before they were going to meet, and I got the book from the library the next day but I only got about halfway through the book by the time the meeting came around, so I didn't go because I didn't want the ending to be spoiled for me.  But the book is very very good.   It's called The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton, and I would put it in the mystery-romance category.  It's very well-written, and even though it's almost 500 pages long it's a quick and easy read and it's the kind of book you don't want to put down.  In general, the books I read make me think about deep things or at least semi-deep things and they appeal to my intellectual side, but it's not often I read a book that can make me cry and where my heart breaks for a character, and this was one of those books.  I'm actually going to buy it (I only buy books that I know I will read again), and I definitely recommend this one.

Baby Girl
Baby Girl loves school.  Every day when I take her to school she's excited to be there, and she's happy to see me when the teacher walks her out to the car after school is done.  Next week is parent-teacher conference week for her class, so I'll find out more details from her teacher on how she's doing.  She's made a couple of friends, and we saw one of her classmates the other day at Papa Murphy's, which was a pleasant surprise.  She still makes friends at the park, too, but because it's been raining so much the past couple of weeks, we haven't gotten out of the apartment much.  She still loves to read books and she loves to color in her coloring book, and she and Little One play well together.  I think she feels like she can bond with him more now that he's been talking more and he's begun showing an interest in her and what she's doing and saying.

Little One
Little One is slowly learning more words.  We've been working with an early intervention program to help him learn to understand words and concepts and to vocalize what he wants.  Physically he's a big kid-- he's in the 90th percentile for height and weight-- and he's healthy in every way.  He is definitely a kinesthetic learner, which is frustrating for me because I don't know how to teach a kinesthetic, gestalt learner.  But that's what this program is for-- teaching him, but also teaching Mc and me how to teach him.  We're looking into a preschool through the public school district for Little One that's designed to help kids like him, and they also have a program for kids who are more kinesthetic learners, and we're looking into that as well.  It's going to be strange having both kids at school at the same time (Little One would start as soon as he turns 3 years old), but everyone will benefit from where they are: Baby Girl at her preschool, Little One at his, and me alone at home with some peace and quiet.  ;)

As a family we've made a Saturday tradition of going to the children's museum near us.  The kids walk in and they remember where we are and they know the areas they like to go in.  If the kids are in the same area then Mc and I talk, but I also bring a book in case the kids want to do different things and I need to follow one of them.  It's kind-of funny, I see lots of parents sitting and reading, but most of them are on their phones or kindles; I think I'm the only one there who has a physical book.  I like it, though.  ;)  On Sundays Mc still takes the kids to church and I get those 3 hours to myself, which I need.

Well, that's pretty much how we're doing.  Nothing really exciting going on, just the usual day-to-day stuff.  We're doing well up here in Washington, and I'm looking forward to seeing what a Seattle winter is like.

I Just Saved My Son

This afternoon I was in the middle of writing a blog post on my other blog, when I heard my son coughing in his room.  It sounded like he was choking on something, and when I ran in there he was sitting up in bed and he was crying and trying to cough up something but he couldn't.  I didn't know what he could be choking on, but I stuck my finger in his throat and I felt something metal.

I have four metal hair clips that he has put in his mouth before, so I keep them on my standing desk so he can't reach them.  And it was one of these hair clips that I felt in his throat.  He must've climbed onto my desk chair and taken the clips before I put him down for his nap.

I grabbed him out of bed and held his torso over my arm, face toward the floor, and reached down his throat with my finger and fished it out.  I quickly checked around the room and found the other three clips, so I knew he had only put one in his mouth and he was in the clear.

I held him in my arms and said reassuring things to him while he cried and caught his breath.  The little guy was scared and now I'm sure his throat is sore, too.  But he's safe now, and he's happy and doing okay.

I think I'm more shaken up than he is.  I was calm and methodical when getting the hair clip out, but now that it's over I'm shaking.  Usually during his nap time I'll watch music videos online or play a video game or take a nap, but I'm so glad that today I decided to write instead.  If I was asleep or if I had my headphones on, I wouldn't have heard him coughing and I don't know what would have happened.  He was able to cough and cry around the hair clip when I went in there, so his throat wasn't completely blocked, but that could have changed, and I might have walked in there an hour later to a dead child.

I am beyond frustrated that he hasn't moved past this putting-things-in-his-mouth stage yet.  This kid will be three years old in a few months and he's still putting things in his mouth that aren't food.  And he can't yet understand the simple sentence, "No toys in the mouth, just food."  After he had calmed down I went through all of his toys and I'm putting away the few toys we have that could fit in his mouth.  He can have them back when he's older.

I called Mc afterward and told him what happened.  We agreed that we'll just have to keep him away from mouth-sized toys until he's past this stage, whenever that happens.  We're also going to keep our bedroom door locked when we're not in here so that he can't climb on our chairs and reach things that we're keeping up high specifically to keep them out of his reach.  And I'm going to have to say "No toys in the mouth, just food" to him multiple times a day until he gets it.

Baby Girl's 4th Birthday

This past weekend was filled with birthday activities for my little girl who turned four years old on Friday.

We had to wake up early to pick up my mom from the airport.  I woke up Baby Girl by quietly singing Happy Birthday to her, and she smiled and was happy.  Picked up my mom and everyone was happy to see each other.

Her class at school had a little party for her and I sent muffins with her to share with the class, which they enjoyed.

And one of my sisters-in-law remembered that it was her birthday today (I didn't say anything about it on Facebook) and she asked me to tell her Happy Birthday for her.  I thought that was sweet of her.

We were able to Skype with one of my sisters who wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday, and Baby Girl was giggly but she liked seeing her.

Then that night Mc got off work early-ish so that we could take her out to dinner.  We went to Red Robin and the waiters sang happy birthday to her.  I forgot my dang camera and so I didn't get pictures of that moment, but I was sitting across from her and I could see her face: she was surprised but her eyes were shining and she was smiling and happy.  We opened a few presents at home from my mom and then we saved the rest for the next day.

I really need a new camera, one with a "kids" setting where the moving objects aren't blurry and where the flash doesn't do weird things to the picture.  Oh well.  Here are two of the good pictures my camera took of her birthday night.

She got her porcelain #4 birthday girl.  She's been looking forward to getting this for months.  :)

It has a place now with the rest of her birthday dolls.  She thinks they are all very pretty.

On Saturday Mc had to work from home in the morning so my mom and I took the kids to the children's museum a few cities north of us.  The one on Bainbridge Island is a great one for their age, but it takes way too long to get there, there's a ferry cost both ways, and that museum is fairly pricey for being so small.  This one is bigger, less expensive, and it's only about a 25-minute drive away.

I forgot my dang camera again so I didn't get pictures of her, but she had tons of fun and so did her brother.  We're planning to go there most Saturdays, so I'll post pictures of them playing there in a future post.  Because there is so much to do here and the place has three floors, one parent has to stay with one kid and the other goes with the other kid because the kids aren't interested in the same things.  Baby Girl ended up playing with the arts and crafts and the Lincoln Logs, and Little One stayed in the new water area the whole time.

We had our neighbors over later that afternoon for her little party, and we all had a good time.  Here are some pictures.

My sister saw this card and thought it looked like Baby Girl, so she bought it for her.

 My mom bought Little One a car so that he wouldn't feel left out, but both boys were interested in it.  And the thing was ridiculously hard to get out of its casing.

Two Halloween shirts for her.

Her favorite game that she learned at my parents' house.  She wasn't actually sad, this was just my camera being late in taking this shot.

Purple dragon named Stormy.  She loves dragons!

A dragon clock for her room.  She's almost ready to learn how to tell time, so when she's learning she can have this in her room to look at and practice on.

Kids jumping around.  The kids aren't so big that they'll destroy the couch, so it's open for jumping.  I really need a better camera.  :(  This would have been a cool action shot.

The traditional pumpkin pie for her birthday.  She could have blown out all the candles by herself, but Little One snuck in and blew one out for her.  ;)

She's eating a lot neater than at her first birthday.  ;)

One of her presents was "The Incredibles"-- another favorite from my parents' house-- and the kids are watching it after the pie is finished.  They were able to watch most of it before the other little boy was too tired and they had to go home.

Nana and Pappy called tonight to wish her Happy Birthday and she was super giggly but happy to see them.  She's just a really happy girl.  And she had a great birthday weekend.  We love our smart, cute, sweet little girl.  Happy Birthday!

Motorcycles and Protecting Children

I had an incredible day yesterday because I saw something that combines two things I'm passionate about: cruiser motorcycles and protecting children from abuse.

Yesterday morning right before my alarm went off I was having a dream that I was going to race my cousin on motorcycles on a racing course.  Then a few hours later I hopped on Facebook and one of the "suggested posts" was one about a biker gang, and so I clicked on it.  And I was so surprised about what I saw.

There is a motorcycle organization called "Bikers Against Child Abuse", and they go around helping children who are victims of abuse.  I'm bad at paraphrasing, so I'll just show you the YouTube video I saw:

While watching this video I began to cry and even to tremble because I'm very passionate about both of these things and I was amazed that they could be combined this way.  Let me tell you why I feel the way I do about this.

Motorcycles
I've always loved cruiser motorcycles.  Even when I was a kid, whenever I'd see a group of bikers riding down the road together I'd smile and sometimes even squeal with joy.  Now that I'm older the squealing with joy has stopped (for the most part) but I still smile every time I see a cruiser and my heart leaps when I see a group of riders together.  That's how I want to travel, that's how I want to get from point A to point B: on a cruiser.  It's my dream vehicle.

About 10 years ago during my first summer at UC Davis, I took a basic riding course and passed it and I got my motorcycle license.  I forgot to add M1 to my application when I renewed my license and so ever since then I've only had a car-driver's license.  But about once a year or so since then I have very realistic dreams about riding a motorcycle-- like the one I had yesterday-- and the desire to ride is still very strong in me.

Protecting Children
Also at UC Davis, I took a Women's Self Defense class just for fun.  It teaches the Rape Aggression Defense program and I was surprised to find out that I'm very passionate about this.  I became a TA for the class for the next two quarters, and when I graduated from college I went down to Los Angeles to become a certified R.A.D. instructor.  Mc and I moved to Minnesota shortly after that, and I taught a few classes and I was working with the University of Minnesota to get the R.A.D. program reestablished there.  Their budget didn't work out for it and I was discouraged, and then I became pregnant with our first child and so I gave up on teaching.

Ever since becoming a parent, every now and then I have a hard time falling asleep because I'm thinking step-by-step about what I would do to someone if they ever hurt my child.  Anyone who even tries to take or hurt one of my kids will find themselves pummeled into the ground by me.  I know how to fight and I won't hold back.  I never thought about this before I had kids because I'm not a "kid person" and in general I didn't enjoy being around them.  But I've changed a little in that regard.  Adults can hurt each other and they can fight back, but kids are so small and often helpless.  Kids are also trusting, and I know that if my kids were in danger they would look to me with pleading eyes for help and they would trust that I could help them, and I would do everything in my power-- which is a lot-- to get them out of danger.

Watching this video made me cry because children are being abused everywhere-- in their own homes and in the foster system-- and all too often they have nowhere they can turn for help.  But bikers are tough, many people are scared of them and intimidated by them (and they should be!), and if a child knows they have a biker gang looking out for them and who will ride to them if they call and need help, then think of how much power and confidence it gives those kids!

**********************

For months now Mc and I have been talking about getting me a motorcycle.  We've looked at prices, gas mileage, and insurance, and in many ways a motorcycle is cheaper and more practical than a second car.  It's also has its dangers too, and I'm well aware of them.  But the reason we haven't gone past the "thinking about it" stage is because I'm too practical and I can't justify the expense when the only time I'd get to ride is maybe to the store for something or with the family somewhere when Mc could drive the kids in the car.

But now, this is a perfect reason to finally get a motorcycle!  After watching this video I felt filled with purpose and a desire to become part of this organization.  I want to do this.  I want to release my inner motorcycle chick so that I can ride a vehicle that I've always wanted and so I can be a part of a biker group who's purpose is to protect and empower children against abuse.  It's not a job I'd be getting paid for, but this combines two things I'm very passionate about and the thought of it is very fulfilling, and this is what I want to do.

I've started looking for riding courses here in Washington so I can get my M1 license again, and then I'll look into buying a motorcycle.  I'm so excited about this!

Our Little Girl's First Day of School!

Mc and I never wanted to put our kids into preschool.  We had talked about it, and we both felt that it was just glorified (and expensive) daycare.  But a couple of months ago we decided that we should put our daughter in a preschool, for a few reasons:

1) She loves social interaction.  I take the kids to the park at least once a day, and she's always happiest when she makes a friend.  But the friends she makes don't go to the park regularly at all, and she's sad when she doesn't have anyone to play with.  At school she can make friends and know that she'll be seeing them every weekday.

2) She is very ready for learning things at school.  She soaks up information like a sponge, and she's ready to learn a variety of things, and more than I can teach her at the moment.

3) Our son needs one-on-one time with me.  There is a lot I can teach him and that I will have to teach him so he can improve his speech and cognition skills, but I need a quiet space with just him and me so I can teach him, and our daughter doesn't allow for that when she's home.

Mc asked around work to see what are good schools around here, and the Montessori program was highly recommended.  (You can read about their philosophy here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori_education ).

We found a Montessori school in our city that had a last-minute opening for her age range (3-6 years old), so we got her in.  It's a small school with about 20 kids + 2 teachers in each of the 5 classrooms, and I like that small, close-knit feel to it.  The school also takes great precautions with the kids' safety, which I was very impressed with.  I'm also happy that the kids in her class are 3-6 years old because although she's almost 4 years old she tends to make friends with girls who are a year or two older than she is, and so she'll have those girls in her classroom.  She won't be held back scholastically or socially because of her age the way she would in a public school.

We have her there only in the afternoons from 12:30-3:00 to test out the school and see how she does for this first year.  If all goes well, we'll have her attend next year as well and we'll get our son in there, too.  The hands-on approach to learning will be essential for our son because that's the way he learns, but our daughter will benefit from it as well.

I didn't post these pictures on Facebook, but I'll do it here.  Here she is on her first day of school (last Wednesday) in front of her classroom:

She's giggly because I'm taking a picture of her.

Ready to go into the classroom and start her day!

Today was her 4th day of school.  Her teachers say she's doing great, and she loves it and today she told me that she made a friend.  I'm so happy for her.

New Fringe Bangs for my Little Girl

My daughter's hair always gets in her face.  The hair in front grows forward and it too often escapes the hair ties and clips I use to keep her hair back, so she's constantly brushing the hair away from her face.  So this past weekend I decided not to fight it anymore: I would let the hair grow forward the way it naturally does and I'd just give her bangs so she can see.

I looked up videos online of how to cut bangs, and I gave it a try.  Here are some before-and-after pictures:

Before

After, 1st attempt

 They were too thin the first time and a tad too short, so I decided to cut a little more hair for thicker and slightly longer bangs.

Final result:

Now she's not constantly brushing the hair away from her face, her hair doesn't look like it's being pulled back in the wrong direction, and I think she looks adorable.  :)

Our Little Boy is Talking!

Our son is 2-and-a-half years old and up until about a month ago he could say less than 10 words.  I can't tell you how many times we've been so frustrated that all we're doing to teach him isn't working!

A child psychologist we took him to almost a year ago diagnosed him with autism, but I disagree with her diagnosis for a number of reasons.  His problem was and still is speech and cognition.

Last month we took him in to see a hearing specialist and he passed his hearing tests with flying colors.  Mc and I never thought his hearing was an issue, but now everyone can rule it out for sure.

We had him evaluated a few weeks ago for an Early Intervention program, and he qualifies because of his low speech and cognition levels for his age.

About a month ago Mc heard a program on the radio talking about brain hemispheres and child development.  The man said that most children are right-handed, and because the right side of the body is controlled by the left side of the brain, and the speaking center of the brain is in the left hemisphere, then most children learn to talk fairly early.  Our son is left-handed, he's been distinctly left-handed since he was about a year old, and so Mc thought that maybe our son isn't talking yet because his dominant brain hemisphere is his right hemisphere and not his left.

That was a very interesting theory to me, and right away I looked up information that I could find on the internet about brain hemispheres and child development.  I finally found a book that looked like what I was looking for, called The Dominance Factor.
I found it here:  http://www.amazon.com/Dominance-Factor-Knowing-Dominant-Learning/dp/0915556316/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408044362&sr=1-2&keywords=the+dominance+factor

I learned so much about my son's, my daughter's, and my learning styles from this book-- there are 32 different styles-- and a lot of things I knew about myself and my kids now make sense.  I definitely recommend this book.

Almost at the same time that Mc heard this radio program, our son began actively repeating simple words that we say, and that's the first time he's consistently tried to do that.  He's been babbling for a long time, and it's like all of a sudden he decided to want to learn how to speak.  He is a very big, strong, physical boy who has incredible balance and coordination and a great understanding of his body and his surroundings.  I guess he decided he's ready to work on speaking now.

I love my little boy.  He's a very active, very happy, very sweet boy.  He horses around with his sister but he's never overly-rough with her, and with little babies at the playground he's very gentle.  He has a cute smile and his laugh is a pleasure to hear.  And now that I have a better understanding of what his learning style is, I have a better idea of how to help him learn.

We just got our daughter into a preschool so that she can have a place to learn with children her own age and her own development level, and so she can make friends that she can see almost every day.  She has made a few friends at the playgrounds, but they don't come regularly and she needs friends.  I'm excited for her (and she's very excited, too), and I'm also glad for this time I'll have with my son to start teaching him words and sentences.  Now that he wants to learn, the quiet time with me will be important.

I'm excited for the progress he's making on his own, and I'm excited to see how things will go in the near future.

Separate Blog

Someone anonymously commented on my latest blog post, saying, "You could always have another blog where you can openly write your thoughts about the church on and link it to this blog. You never know if someone feels the way you do or if something you say could help them."  I hadn't thought about things that way, and after giving it a lot of thought yesterday I decided to do it.  It is linked on the right over there, entitled "Why I Left and Will Not Return."

For those who would like to know my reasons for leaving the church and my thoughts about it now, you can go there for it all.  This blog will remain my main blog where I give updates on our family out here in the Seattle area and other life stuff like that, and where those who don't want to read about my church views can still read about how we're doing.

I don't think I'll write in the other blog much, especially since I'm trying to get it out of my life.  But that's a slow work in progress, and it'll be nice to write openly about it from time to time.

Thank you for the suggestion, Anonymous.  :)

One Year Ago

One year ago I sent my letter to the Mormon church telling them I wanted my name removed from the rolls of the church (they don't actually get rid of your records; they keep them, just in a separate file).  After one of my blog posts about my opinions of the church offended some family members, I decided this blog wasn't going to be a blog stating my feelings about the church.  But I wanted to share my experiences of the past year in this post to let everyone know how I'm doing and where I'm at.

Leaving the church felt like a great relief for me.  After I decided to look at the religion from an outside perspective, years of doctrinal and procedural and social issues I've had came together in my mind, and all together they were too much for me to stay.  I felt like I was standing up for what was right and that I was finally taking care of myself and deciding for myself how I wanted to live my life.  I felt free.

As soon as I sent in my letter I called my family members and told them I had left the church.  My siblings seemed surprised but they just kind-of took it in stride, and my parents were upset at first but I think they're over it now.  No one in my family or Mc's family disowned me or Mc or our children, and I am grateful for that.  Religion really doesn't come up in conversation with family much anyway, if at all, so that makes things easier.

But then something happened that I hadn't prepared for.  I felt isolated and alone.  Not because I left the church, but because I had no one I could talk to about it in person.  I needed someone to talk to, someone who was going through or went through what I was going through now, and who would understand me.  I wrote in my journal a few times, but for nine-and-a-half months I had to keep things inside.

When I moved to Seattle I looked up a support group because I was becoming very depressed and I needed people I could talk to.  I found a meet-up group for ex-Mormons and I've met with them twice.  They told me about a Facebook group for ex-Mormons, but I was hesitant to join it because I didn't want to read a bunch of angry posts; I was busy dealing with my own anger and my own reasons for leaving the church.  But one of the meet-ups recently said on their website, "See the Facebook page for more details," and because it was an event I wanted to go to, I joined the Facebook group.

I've been on the Facebook group for two-and-a-half weeks now (it feels like a lot longer than that) and it's been an interesting experience.  Yes, there is a lot of "bashing" that goes on and a lot of people reply sarcastically-- I just ignore those people, their sarcasm doesn't interest me-- but more often than not they're genuine posts about struggles people are having.  Not everyone has a loving family or spouse like I do.  Not everyone is "out" to their families yet and they're having a hard time hiding who they really are from them (and things are a lot worse for those who live in Utah).  Leaving Mormonism has affected not only what we do on Sundays, but our whole outlook on life and the eternities.

Here are two people's thoughts from a few days ago that really sum up what many of us in this group are going through and why leaving the church can lead to depression for many of us.  I'm quoting them here because their words show thoughts and feelings that I've had as well:

"Many of us here gave up a lot when we woke up and left the church. We lost friendships, our communities, our social standing, the respect of our parents, and sometimes even our marriages (and, as a result, precious time with our children). Many of us also let go of the (false) comfort that religion brings, the innocence and hope of belief in a heaven, and the security of believing there is a loving Parent in the sky watching out for us who loves us and created the entire world FOR US. We have had to pick up the pieces from a shattered world view, many times alone, to create a new purpose for ourselves, all while figuring out a new morality.  Anyone who says WE took the easy way out can go fuck themselves. Have a great day, everyone!"

That guy was having a very frustrating day.  People asked him if some member had told him he took the easy way out, and he said no but he needed to vent.

Here is one more quote from the Facebook page.  Someone posted a video of a VERY obnoxious guy who's "proving" that there is a God and that atheists are idiots.  This was one of the comments about that video:

"How does this prove anything? How is it that so many people are so IGNORANT to atheism? Do you honestly think that we have come to this conclusion lightly? You honestly think we haven't tried and prayed and begged to be wrong? Do you think it's comforting knowing that when our kids and our family members and our loved ones die we will never see them again, and not only that but that they will rot in the ground? Don't you understand how heartbreaking it was to come to that conclusion for so many of us? No matter how freeing it is to say "I'm an atheist" I know that I am not special. I am not here for any greater purpose than I choose to be. My life doesn't matter in the scheme of things and yet I still work my ass off to be a good, loving, productive member of society because I choose to be that way, no matter how heartbreaking it may be at times. Now seriously fuck off and stop pestering those that have the balls to be a good person without the fear of god in their lives."

Lots of people in this Facebook group who have left Mormonism have managed to remain Christians (meaning that they believe Jesus of Nazareth was the savior of the world), and that's fine for them.  If I had to label myself, I'd say that I'm an agnostic bordering on atheist.  Leaving the Mormon church wasn't the hard part.  The hard part was trying to figure things out afterward.  My thought process was, "Since I don't believe the Mormon view of this world and the eternities, what do I believe?"  Do I believe in Christianity?  In monotheism?  In any deity whatsoever?  In life after death?  And the hard part was realizing that after months of thinking about it, my answers to those questions were no, no, I don't know, and I don't know.

The Mormon religion was comforting in many ways.  It was comforting and reassuring to be told that people KNOW what happens to us after we die, that wicked people will be punished after this life even if they were never punished while they're alive, and that The End is Near and Christ will come again soon.  I no longer have comfort in any of those things because I don't believe them anymore, and it's been very hard to deal with.

I've pulled myself together and decided that I'm going to make the most out of this life while I have it because I don't know what the hell happens to us after we die; this is it, this is all I've got.

I won't be on the Facebook group for much longer because although it's been good for me on some levels, it's also affecting me negatively.  This group has been good for me because I've seen many people write about the same issues with the church that I've had, and it's been validating to see that I'm not the only one who has problems with these things.  And I've posted comments here and there that I think have helped some people who needed support and encouragement.  But there are so many posts and comments that are full of anger, frustration, and strong emotions regarding the Mormon church, and dwelling on the negative for too long isn't good for me.  I've found myself becoming angry a lot over the past few weeks because of what these people are going through, and I don't like being angry.  My goal with all of this religious stuff is to get to the point where I can leave the church behind me completely and not think about it anymore in positive or negative ways.  I understand why many of these people need the Facebook group, especially those living in Utah who are surrounded by church stuff on a daily basis, but for me personally I feel like I'm past the point where the Facebook group is helpful and I'm ready to move on from it.  The group has helped me feel validated in my thoughts and feelings and reasons regarding the church, and I've found that's all I needed from it.

As I said in the beginning of this post, my blog won't be about my thoughts on the Mormon church.  Some people in the Facebook group write things on their personal Facebook wall about the church, some to be open and honest and others to troll the Mormons.  I'm not like that.  If family or friends want to talk to me about why I left the church or if they want to talk about their own thoughts about the church, I'll be more than happy to have a calm and rational discussion with them, whether it's me talking about my views or me listening to theirs.  But I'm not actively or publicly speaking against the church, because I've decided that's not my style-- I'm not out to make people angry.  I am, however, open to talking about things if others initiate the discussion.

And that's where I'm at right now.  Mc still goes to church and he takes the kids to Nursery and Primary, and so far it hasn't caused any problems.  I'll still be going to meet-up events if I feel like I need some extra support or I just want to hang out with people who have the same background that I do.

I'm over the huge depression that all this new-look-at-life has caused earlier this year, and I'm optimistic that this next year will be better for me than the past year was.

House Is Sold and Kids Are Here

It's been a few weeks since I've written, and two major things have happened.

House
Our house sold on June 12th.  I'm so glad we have a little extra money in our bank account now and that we no longer have any financial obligations in Arizona.  I miss our house, but with two little kids the house was too big for me to upkeep; everything is so much more manageable now.

Kids
The kids have been back with us since the day before Father's Day.  My parents drove them up to us; it was nice to have the kids back for Father's Day and to see my parents, and everyone was happy to see each other.

That Monday morning we all took the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island so we could check out the Kids Discovery Museum.  The kids had a blast; there's so much to do there for kids their age.

Water coloring with markers on paper towels.

Tree house with a slide at the other end.

Downstairs has little separated areas for different activities.  This is the construction site.

Little grocery store.

Upstairs was a more open area with lots of ball activities to do.  This was Baby Girl's favorite thing, the light sticks.

Little One liked watching the balls roll down.

Another ball activity.  Drop it from high up...

... and watch it roll down and over a couple hills and into a box below.

A magnetic wall where you arrange pipes to make the ball go through and into a bucket.

That evening at the playground near our apartment unit, the kids had fun.  This thing here is wobbly, and Baby Girl is tall enough to hold onto the hand rail to go across.

Little One has incredible balance and he's excited when he makes it across, but that wobbly thing is the only way to get to the big slide that he likes and he's fallen off of this thing twice since we've been here, so we're not going to this playground anymore.

Instead, we're going to this playground!

Little One is on the silver spiral-- he can climb up and slide down that thing for half an hour straight-- and Baby Girl is sliding down the edge of the mini rock wall.  The playground has climbing areas for young kids and older kids.  We've been going here since a few days after the kids got here, and it's been great!

 There is a dog park across the parking lot from the playground, and she loves it!  She loves dogs and wants to ask every owner if their dog likes little kids and if she can pet it.  It's cute how happy she gets when she's around dogs and cats.

The weather is nice enough that I'm able to take the kids to the park twice a day.  It gets us out of the house and it gives me a chance to read books while they expend their energy and make friends.  I'm surprised at how quickly and easily I've slipped back into the mother role.  I've learned how to manage my stress better, and I have less stress overall.  I'm a better wife, a better mother, and I feel more fulfilled and satisfied with life.  Mc, the kids, and I are all doing very well.

Love Languages

I've been really excited to write about this!  Now, this post will be about strengthening love and happiness in a marriage; so if love and happiness in your marriage aren't important to you or you don't want them, then don't bother reading this post.  But if you like and want love and happiness in your marriage, then read on.  :)

Two weeks ago I bought a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  I first heard about this book 6 years ago when Mc and I got married, and I just got around to buying it.  I've read a lot of stuff throughout the years on love and happiness in marriage and I honestly think this is the best book out there on marital love; I HIGHLY recommend it for every married couple no matter how old you are or how long you've been married.  In a nutshell, this book teaches us how we can show our love to our spouse in the way they understand it, in their "primary love language".  I'll tell you a little bit about it.

People interpret love differently.  What makes one person feel loved might not make their spouse feel loved.  Dr. Chapman identified 5 ways people interpret and receive love:

(in the order he discussed them)
1) Words of Affirmation-- words like, "I love you", "I'm proud of you", "I believe in you", "Thank you"
2) Quality Time-- the person's full attention is on their spouse and they're together physically and mentally in the moment
3) Receiving Gifts-- meaningful gifts that shows the person that their spouse was thinking of them
4) Acts of Service-- could include cleaning the house, yard work, making dinner, fixing the car, etc.
5) Physical Touch-- more than sex alone, it also includes holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc. in nonsexual contexts.

You've all heard of the Golden Rule?  "Treat others the way you want to be treated."  Well, when it comes to expressing love in a marriage, that's not really accurate.  In a marriage the Golden Rule is, "Love your spouse the way he or she wants to be loved."  We naturally tend to show love the way we'd like to receive love, and the main message of this book is that what works for you won't necessarily work for your spouse.  Let me give you some examples (these aren't Dr. Chapman's examples, they're my own).

Growing up I often heard the phrase, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," meaning that the way a man will feel loved is by making great food for him.  That's only true if the man's primary love language is Acts of Service.  All men like a good meal (really, who doesn't?), but only the man who understands love through acts of service will feel loved through his wife's making a well-cooked meal.  What if his primary love language is actually Words of Affirmation?  While he will still appreciate a good meal, what will speak to his heart-- what will make him feel loved-- is for his wife to tell him sincerely that she's proud of him, that he did a great job when he did something for her, that she thinks he's intelligent and capable, that she trusts him.

Another example.  A cliché about women is that they love gifts: jewelry, flowers, chocolate, etc.  While everyone likes gifts occasionally, to a wife, the gifts from her husband will only make her feel loved if her primary love language is Receiving Gifts.  What if her primary love language is Physical Touch?  Her husband might have been giving her flowers all these years to express his love, when really what she needs in order to feel loved by him is a hug and kiss from him when he comes home from work, his arm around her shoulders when they're standing together, a foot rub after a long day, cuddling after sex.

Reading this book will help both of you learn your own primary love language as well as that of your spouse; don't guess, you need to find out for sure.

Take Mc and me, for instance.  For years I thought my primary love language was Physical Touch, but after reading this book I realized that while physical touch is still extremely important to me, it's my secondary love language... my primary love language is actually Quality Time (with a "dialect" of Quality Conversation).  All these years that I've been married I was hoping to feel love through physical touch and it just wasn't happening as well as I thought it should.  Now that we both know I need quality time more than anything else, Mc has been making a conscious effort to show his love for me that way and I definitely feel his love now.  Likewise, I've known for years what Mc's primary love language is, and after reading this book and finding out that his love language hasn't changed, I've redoubled my efforts to learn his "dialects" of that love language and to show my love for him that way, and he can tell.  You'll be amazed at how quickly you will see positive changes and how much better you will understand yourself and your spouse.

Not sure how to start?  First, buy the book; you can find it at any bookstore or online for about $10.  Then say to your spouse, "When you have a few minutes, I'd like to talk to you about something that's important to me."  Always be clear and direct in saying what you want, and your spouse will likely find time for you very quickly.  Then you can start off by saying something like, "Honey, I've been doing some thinking, and I'd like us to learn how to show our love for each other in the way that's most important to both of us.  I bought this book that was highly recommended and I'd like to read through it with you.  Will you do this with me?"  Most spouses will agree to try it out; some will be more enthusiastic about it than others, but most will still agree. (the book is an easy read and you can get through it quickly).

It's important to do this together.  If one person puts forth effort to learn and speak their spouse's primary love language but their spouse doesn't reciprocate that effort, then the love in the marriage will be lopsided and one person will still not feel loved.  Remember, just because one spouse feels loved doesn't mean that the other spouse does, too.  For happiness to abound in a marriage, both people need to feel loved by their spouse, and so both people have to make the effort and it has to be done consistently; little efforts every few months or so won't be enough and it will give your spouse the message that you really don't care.  By reading the book together you'll both start off on the same foot.  Mc and I have done this and it's already making a difference in our marriage.

If you care about showing love to your spouse in the way they will understand, whether your marriage is in trouble or it's going strong, then reading this book is absolutely worth your time.

(And maybe once you and your spouse have things working well, try this on your kids: find what makes them feel the most loved and show your love to them that way.  Again, totally worth it!)

Small-ish Update

Nothing really eventful is going on right now, just getting used to life up here.

* The kids are still in California with my parents.  Back in Arizona I had let myself get completely overwhelmed with motherhood and housework and everything, and so I'm taking this time away from the kids to help me reset and recharge and reevaluate how I'm handling situations and stress and life in general.  Mc and I miss them a lot and we're really looking forward to when they'll be here with us; I feel that in a couple more weeks I'll be ready.  I'm so grateful to my parents for helping me with the kids during this time.

* I went to my first Ex-Mormon meetup group activity last week: we went hiking up one of the mountains around here.  The hike was a little difficult because I'm out of shape, but it was refreshing to be able to talk to people face to face about leaving the church.  It was quite therapeutic, and the fresh air and trees and being in nature were good for me, too.  And I made it to the top of the mountain!

* I've decided that I prefer apartment-living to homeownership.  Here in our apartment I feel like I'm part of a community, and I like that feeling.  If we decide to move sometime in the future it'll likely be to another apartment complex or townhouse-- and it will be closer to Mc's work, not farther-- but so far this apartment is working for us and I can see it working for us for a while.  There are some things I wish we could do to an apartment like have walls and ceilings made of very sturdy glass (I'm rather fanatical when it comes to natural light in the house), but customization like that will probably never happen.  ;)  Still, for me the feeling of community is more important than being able to customize a house to my every liking.

* I'm ready to make new friends.  Reconnecting with people on Facebook has been wonderful, but social media sites are poor substitutes for in-person interaction and friendships.  I'm genuinely interested in getting to know other people, but it's hard for me to open up and let people get to know me and to make friends.  But I'm up for a change and so Mc will find young couples in his ward who live around here and see if they're up for hanging out sometime (and the fact that they'll be Mormon doesn't bother me in the slightest).  ;)

So yeah, nothing truly eventful going on, but life is good out here and it's much better for me now than it was back in Arizona.  And when the kids get up here I'll be a much better mommy than I have been up until now.

Glad for the Many Changes

I've been in the Seattle area for 2 weeks now, and things are coming along!

Seattle vs. Phoenix

Oh my gosh, the difference is awesome!  My skin and hair don't feel dry anymore, and seeing and feeling the rain is wonderful.  There are trees everywhere and the air smells so fresh.  I'm really looking forward to being able to go outside with the kids in the summer, which we could never do in the Phoenix valley.

Apartment

Downsizing was a great experience for me because I was able to donate and throw away a lot of things that we didn't need and never really used, things that were just taking up space.  It's made life less cluttered and more simple, and I like it.  I bought some lamps whose bulbs simulate daylight to combat the darkness in the apartment on gloomy days (150 watts, 6500 Kelvin-- that's the good stuff!).  I've got the apartment about halfway unpacked-- I tackled the common areas first and now I'm working on finishing our bedroom and then it's on to the kids' rooms.  I'm not a creative person but I'm going to look for kids' decorations for their rooms that are cute and age-appropriate so that they'll feel at home when they arrive here.

Kids

The kids are still with my parents in California.  Mc and I both miss them, but at the same time I'm glad that I have the time to focus on getting the apartment ready without needing to focus on their schedules as well.  I think they miss us too, especially Baby Girl, but they're eating well and they have a good routine going, and they're happy.

Mother's Day

We were able to Skype with Mc's parents and mine, and we said hi to the kids, too.  It was nice talking with our parents, and it was great seeing the kids.  Little One is talking just a little bit more, and Baby Girl was so happy to see us; she had a big smile on her face and she said, "I like you, Daddy!  I like you, Mommy!"  We love her and her brother, and they're sweet kids.  I am so grateful to my parents for taking care of them for us while we packed, moved, and are unpacking.

Mc's Job

Mc likes his job so far.  He had to jump right in and learn a ton of things at once, but he's getting the hang of things and I think he likes the people he works with.  Amazon is a huge company and it will be around for a while, and so we'll likely be here for a long while as well.  He rides the bus to and from work which takes over an hour each way, but it's faster than a car would be when rush-hour traffic hits.  The sun goes down late here on the West Coast, so it's still fairly light outside when he gets home in the evening, so there will be time and daylight to play with the kids at the park and stuff.

Me

Kid-Free
I've been kid-free for 5 weeks now and it has been a much needed break for me.  Some mothers absolutely LOVE being mothers and they can't bear to be away for their children for even a day.  I'm not that kind of mother.  While I love my kids very much, they drain me of energy every day and I feel like this is the first decent stretch of time in the past 4 years that I've gotten good sleep.  I'm not a good multi-tasker-- meaning that I can't do an awesome job at more than one thing at a time-- which is why I'm struggling with being a mother and a housekeeper: I can't devote my attention to either one successfully.  This smaller apartment will be much easier for me to upkeep than was the 5-bedroom house.  Less time for cleaning = more time I can devote to the kids and having fun with them and teaching them.

Facebook
I rejoined Facebook this past week.  It's been a year and a half since I deleted my old account, and at first the break was necessary because I felt I was spending too much time on there.  But for months now I've been feeling isolated from the people I care about and who care about me.  The reality of our society is that if you don't live near friends or family, Facebook and other social media sites are the way people stay in touch, and I came back so that I could be connected to family and close friends again.  It's been about a week now, and I already feel better.

Cell Phone
This weekend we got me a new cell phone (it's a flip phone).  I got rid of my old cell phone 3 years ago when we moved to Arizona and we got a house phone.  It was a symbol for me of finally staying in one place and settling down.  Cell phones mean you're mobile, house phones mean you're settled, and at the time I thought we were going to be in Arizona for good.  Now that's changed, and that's okay-- we have a house phone here, too.  But I want a cell phone for safety when I go out with the kids, just in case of an emergency.  So while I really do think we'll be settled in the Seattle area, the cell phone is for safety.  Oh, and Mc got his first Smartphone this weekend; he's having fun with it.  ;)

Ex-Mormon Support Group
A week ago Mc and I had a good long talk with my parents about how I'm doing, and one of the things I told them is that I'm having a hard time with religion.  Leaving the LDS church was the right decision for me and I don't regret it one bit, but since then so much of my belief system has changed and disappeared and I have no one I can talk to about it face-to-face.  Mc, my family and Mc's family love me, but they're all Mormon and I can't talk to them about what I'm thinking or feeling because there's a good chance it'll offend them.  I can't talk about it with people who have never been members because they can't quite understand where I'm coming from.  I have two friends who have left the church who I want to talk to about it, but they're both guys and they're married (and their spouses aren't ex-Mormons like they are), so we can't have the necessary alone-time to talk about our experiences.  I have two uncles who I could talk to about it, but they live far away and for right now I need face-time.  So I googled "support group for ex-mormons" and I found an Ex-Mormon Meetup group that is for people like me who have left the church who want/need to talk face-to-face with others who understand what they're going through.  There are quite a few of these groups across the country (lots in Utah), and there's one here in Seattle whose casual events I'll be attending.  Mc is supportive of me with this because being able to talk about my experiences and my struggles will help me to deal with them and move on and be happy, and he wants me to be happy.


Well, that's about it for now.  Lots of changes, and all of them are good ones.  The apartment will be all set up soon and the kids will be here in 2 or 3 weeks, and then our new life as a family will start.  I'm looking forward to it.  :)

Almost Ready!

In just three days we'll finally be on our way to Seattle!  Well, I should say I will finally be on my way.  Mc has been there for two weeks already; he went to find us an apartment and then he started working the following Monday.  And the kids have been in CA with my parents for almost three weeks, so I've been here by myself packing up the house and getting ready to move, and trying to keep the house presentable for prospective buyers at the same time.

Despite being flat on my back for a few days (I slipped on the stairs and landed on my lower back about a week and a half ago), I'm doing well and the packing is almost done.  Downsizing has really helped keep the stress of packing low because we've sold and donated a lot of things and that's less we have to pack and make room for in the moving truck.  Less things = less clutter = less stress.

Mc will fly down here after work on Friday and together we'll drive the U-Haul and car up to the San Francisco Bay Area where we'll sleep and then take off early the next morning to finish the drive to Seattle.  The kids will stay at my parents' house for two weeks after that; they're doing great over there and so I will take that time to set up their rooms for them, unpack all that we want unpacked, think of new ways we can have fun together up there, and Mc and I can have some adult time together.  We really haven't had that much time with just the two of us in the three-and-a-half years since our first child was born, and I need it.

I'm really excited!  It'll be the start of a new adventure for us, and the new location will do me a lot of good.
:)

Doesn't Feel Like My House

It's strange: this no longer feels like my house.  I feel like I'm living in someone else's house and getting it ready for them.  We still have all our own furniture and decorations, but it's... different.

Last week we got the house decluttered and cleaned so that it'd be ready for pictures.  The kids have been in CA with my parents since Friday, so their toys all over the house are no longer a problem and it's allowed us to really focus on the cleaning and packing that has to be done.  It's weird seeing my decorations where they're supposed to be, whereas previously I had to put them in places where the kids couldn't reach them and where they wouldn't freak out our parakeet.

On one hand, this is really nice.  I clean the house and it stays clean.  My time is my own; I can sleep in until 8:30 in the morning, I can make breakfast for myself only without having to see what the kids want to eat first, and I can really do whatever I want or need to do, whenever I want.  Right now it's cleaning and packing the house, but I don't have to multi-task between doing what I need to do and doing what the kids want me to do.  7:30 PM rolls around and I don't have to stop what I'm doing to help get the kids to bed-- I can keep working.

But on the other hand, it's weird, because now it almost doesn't feel like my house.  My house has clutter spots, kids' toys everywhere, and decorations in wrong places.  And my house has two kids and a bird.  But now I go upstairs and instead of seeing a bird in a cage sleeping or preening himself or chirping at birds outside, I see a nice mirror.  I go into the kids' rooms to put something away and their stuffed animals that they sleep with aren't in their beds.  I like the peace and quiet, but without the kids and the bird it's too quiet.  After 3 years of having kids around, I'm really not used to this much freedom.  And I won't really have time to get used to it, because as soon as the lease starts at our new place I'll be on my way to WA, and that will likely be sooner than later.

Yesterday the photographer came and took the pictures of our house that will accompany the listing, and as of this morning our house is Active and ready for sale!  So while I wait to learn which apartment in the Seattle area will be our new home and when, I'm going to be spending my days packing up this house while still keeping it presentable for potential buyers who want to come by and see it.  I'm not nervous or excited or sad or anything, I'm mostly just in busy mode... in a house that doesn't feel like mine.  Strange feeling.