I feel like I've been writing about myself too much lately, so here's a post about our little family. Overall we're doing well.
Mc is still working hard at Amazon; he makes good money and he's helping the company sort out a lot of its issues, but the company has quite a few internal problems, and Mc feels like there's only so much he can do. He's going to stick it out for a few more months at least so he'll have been at Amazon for at least one year, but soon he'll be looking into other jobs elsewhere; a lot of that is because I don't want to live in Washington anymore (I'll write about that in another post), but Mc also knows that he doesn't want to work at Amazon for a long time. He plays D&D with a small group of guys about once a month, and I'm glad he gets that guy-time doing something he likes. He had the kids to himself this past weekend during the day while I went to my motorcycle riding course, and I think they had fun together. It was raining and so without a car there was only so much they could do, but the kids seemed happy when I got home and I knew they were in good hands.
I had a motorcycle basic riding course this past weekend, and it was fun but rough. I might write a post about my motorcycle stuff later, we'll see. But at the end of those two days I was physically and mentally exhausted, and on top of that I'm still trying to find that perfect balance of sleep. I'm constantly getting too little sleep or when I do catch up on sleep I get too much of it, so I'm constantly groggy and I get headaches easily. But I'll have to get used to a more rigid morning schedule because as soon as Little One turns three years old he will start attending a program for kids who need developmental help. I'm still not a morning person but maybe that will change when I have no choice in the matter.
Little One is improving; he copies everything we say and I can tell he's understanding the meaning of more words. He is now using small phrases to convey what he wants, and it's great to see him improving that way. He's still an active little boy and he still likes to explore with his hands. He lashes out physically when he's upset with something because he still doesn't know how to use words to express frustration, so we're working on that. This program he's going into next month will help him with communication skills as well as getting him used to interacting with kids his own age in a school setting. I don't know all the details yet as far as how many days a week and for how many hours, but he had a play date there last week and I have a good feeling about the school.
Baby Girl is still doing fantastic. She loves school and she's made friends and she's learning. Sometimes she's really cranky after school and for about a week I couldn't figure out why; but then I learned that on those days I need to take them to the park right after school so she
can have the freedom to get more energy out without grownups telling
her what to do all the time. She is happier at home now that Little One actively plays with her, and he initiates playing with her as well. She's a caring sister and she usually recognizes what her brother wants when he's trying to say something. She's reading already; she's a bright little girl and I'm proud of her. She asks me questions all the time and I always answer honestly and at her level, and even if I can't see her, like if we're driving in the car at the time, I can tell she's soaking it in.
So yeah, that's pretty much it. A few new things here and there but for the most part we're just hanging out and doing our thing.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
I Can Never Read "Fifty Shades of Grey"
I didn't watch the Golden Globe awards this past Sunday, but apparently one of the commercials was a 60-second preview for the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie which comes out next month. There are three reasons why I will never read the Fifty Shades of Grey book or watch the movie... and I will say right off the bat that the BDSM factor is not one of the reasons.
BDSM is an overarching term that encompasses the sexual practices of Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism. I am supportive of those practices as long as these conditions are met: it is done safely, it is done by mentally and emotionally mature adults, there is open communication and trust between both participants, and both participants are doing it 100% consensually. If those conditions are met, then go for it! (and if not, then don't you dare!).
My reasons for never wanting to read Fifty Shades of Grey are:
1) It's a Twilight fan fiction
2) The writing style is bad and distracting
3) The relationship between the main characters is unhealthy (not because of the BDSM element of their relationship, but rather because of how they do the BDSM)
Twilight Fan Fiction
Here is a 9-minute video I found of an interview with E.L. James, the Fifty Shades author:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpm_1iERyoU
E. L. James said she was inspired to write these books after reading the Twilight series. Many Twilight aspects are also found in Fifty Shades of Grey: the story takes place in Seattle, the main character is a flat female character with an empty head and almost no personality, and the love interest is an abusive stalker (more about that later). In the interview she says that this book was sort-of her midlife crisis, all her fantasies in one. I have my own sexual fantasies, and I just don't want to read about someone else's that were inspired by Twilight. I have no desire to read Twilight, much less a pornographic version of it.
The Writing Style
I am by no means a perfect writer, but this is a big one for me because I can't stand reading books where the style of writing distracts me from the story.
Last year I was trying to find humor columnist Dave Barry's article online entitled "From Now On, Let Women Kill Their Own Spiders", when I came across an article he had written about Fifty Shades of Grey. His article was funny, and as a writer one of his big problems with this book is how it is written. Here is Dave Barry's article:
http://time.com/3030375/dave-barry-50-shades-of-grey/
At the time I read this I was in the middle of reading Uncle Tom's Cabin for the first time, which is an awful book: it's overwhelmingly preachy; on numerous occasions the author stops telling the story and addresses the reader directly; and only about 1/5 of the story actually has Tom in it even though the author tells us that "he is to be the hero of our story" and his name is in the freakin' title. But more awful than all of those: Harriet Beecher Stowe is the queen of adjectives and adverbs. Everything seemed to have three to five descriptive words attached to it, and it was description overkill throughout the entire book. So when I read about Dave Barry's problem with how E. L. James writes, I said, "Oh there's no way I'd ever be able to get through that book! No way at all!"
Now, a few months ago I did check out Fifty Shades of Grey from the library because I had read online that the characters' relationship was an unhealthy one and I wanted to read the book for myself and form my own opinions about it. But I got through two pages before I said to myself, "Nope, I can't do it!" because I saw that the book is written in the first-person, present tense narrative. For example: "I stand rather shakily, trying to suppress my nerves. Gathering up my backpack, I abandon my glass of water and make my way to the partially opened door." (p. 7). I flipped through the book to random spots and yep, the entire book is written like that, which means the whole time the reader is in the main character's head. The author probably did that so the reader could more easily imagine herself in the girl's place during the sex scenes, but it's very difficult for me to read an entire book from that perspective.
**As a side note, I've been wondering whether Fifty Shades of Grey could be labeled erotic or pornographic. There are important differences between the two, and I found this article which explains the differences pretty well:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201104/what-distinguishes-erotica-pornography
While I haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey for the reasons I listed above, from what I know of the book it is not erotica-- it's pornography. **
Unhealthy Relationship
Because I knew I couldn't stand reading the book, I had to go on other people's description of Anastasia's and Christian's relationship. In the interview with E. L. James that I linked above, the interviewer introduced the segment by saying that the book is a novel but that some couples are taking it more like a how-to manual, and that has me worried because these main characters do not have a healthy relationship in or out of bed. Dave Barry went into it a bit, but I've read other reviews about this as well.
Anastasia spends the book thinking she can change Christian and make him into her vision of a good boyfriend, and Christian spends the book asking her to do sexual things that she's not ready for and controlling her life beyond what a good dominant sexual partner should do. Properly-done BDSM relies so much on trust and respecting boundaries, and there are times when Christian pushes her beyond what she's comfortable with and sometimes he even punishes her for reacting negatively to something; and that makes these scenes sexual assaults rather than fully consensual sex. She doesn't stand up for herself, she's too overcome with desire for him because he's so dang hot.
He stalks her, which is absolutely not a desirable thing despite what Hollywood likes to portray. But because Christian is super hot then the stalking is somehow okay. I'm still preparing for my upcoming self-defense class and there are so many issues I have with the stalking and boundary crossing aspects of this book, but I won't get into that here.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Now, if this book inspires women to explore their own sexuality, then that's fantastic! Humans, both men and women, are sexual beings; wanting to try BDSM doesn't make you weird or troubled or a sinner or a freak. You're fine. But I'm concerned that too many women will think Christian's and Anastasia's relationship is what a good BDSM relationship looks like, because it isn't (just like girls who read Twilight are told to believe that the controlling, intimidating, forceful, and stalking actions of the men are signs of love). If you want to know what makes a healthy BDSM relationship then you can find it on the internet, there's some good information out there.
Ultimately I think women who have read Fifty Shades of Grey will be disappointed with the movie because of this simple fact: it's only rated R. This book is pornographic, no doubt about it, and the R-rated movie's details will come nowhere close to the stuff they read and liked in the book. But hey, if watching the movie will get women interested in having sex more often with their husbands and being open minded to trying new things, then that's one good thing to take away from the movie. ;)
BDSM is an overarching term that encompasses the sexual practices of Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism. I am supportive of those practices as long as these conditions are met: it is done safely, it is done by mentally and emotionally mature adults, there is open communication and trust between both participants, and both participants are doing it 100% consensually. If those conditions are met, then go for it! (and if not, then don't you dare!).
My reasons for never wanting to read Fifty Shades of Grey are:
1) It's a Twilight fan fiction
2) The writing style is bad and distracting
3) The relationship between the main characters is unhealthy (not because of the BDSM element of their relationship, but rather because of how they do the BDSM)
Twilight Fan Fiction
Here is a 9-minute video I found of an interview with E.L. James, the Fifty Shades author:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpm_1iERyoU
E. L. James said she was inspired to write these books after reading the Twilight series. Many Twilight aspects are also found in Fifty Shades of Grey: the story takes place in Seattle, the main character is a flat female character with an empty head and almost no personality, and the love interest is an abusive stalker (more about that later). In the interview she says that this book was sort-of her midlife crisis, all her fantasies in one. I have my own sexual fantasies, and I just don't want to read about someone else's that were inspired by Twilight. I have no desire to read Twilight, much less a pornographic version of it.
The Writing Style
I am by no means a perfect writer, but this is a big one for me because I can't stand reading books where the style of writing distracts me from the story.
Last year I was trying to find humor columnist Dave Barry's article online entitled "From Now On, Let Women Kill Their Own Spiders", when I came across an article he had written about Fifty Shades of Grey. His article was funny, and as a writer one of his big problems with this book is how it is written. Here is Dave Barry's article:
http://time.com/3030375/dave-barry-50-shades-of-grey/
At the time I read this I was in the middle of reading Uncle Tom's Cabin for the first time, which is an awful book: it's overwhelmingly preachy; on numerous occasions the author stops telling the story and addresses the reader directly; and only about 1/5 of the story actually has Tom in it even though the author tells us that "he is to be the hero of our story" and his name is in the freakin' title. But more awful than all of those: Harriet Beecher Stowe is the queen of adjectives and adverbs. Everything seemed to have three to five descriptive words attached to it, and it was description overkill throughout the entire book. So when I read about Dave Barry's problem with how E. L. James writes, I said, "Oh there's no way I'd ever be able to get through that book! No way at all!"
Now, a few months ago I did check out Fifty Shades of Grey from the library because I had read online that the characters' relationship was an unhealthy one and I wanted to read the book for myself and form my own opinions about it. But I got through two pages before I said to myself, "Nope, I can't do it!" because I saw that the book is written in the first-person, present tense narrative. For example: "I stand rather shakily, trying to suppress my nerves. Gathering up my backpack, I abandon my glass of water and make my way to the partially opened door." (p. 7). I flipped through the book to random spots and yep, the entire book is written like that, which means the whole time the reader is in the main character's head. The author probably did that so the reader could more easily imagine herself in the girl's place during the sex scenes, but it's very difficult for me to read an entire book from that perspective.
**As a side note, I've been wondering whether Fifty Shades of Grey could be labeled erotic or pornographic. There are important differences between the two, and I found this article which explains the differences pretty well:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201104/what-distinguishes-erotica-pornography
While I haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey for the reasons I listed above, from what I know of the book it is not erotica-- it's pornography. **
Unhealthy Relationship
Because I knew I couldn't stand reading the book, I had to go on other people's description of Anastasia's and Christian's relationship. In the interview with E. L. James that I linked above, the interviewer introduced the segment by saying that the book is a novel but that some couples are taking it more like a how-to manual, and that has me worried because these main characters do not have a healthy relationship in or out of bed. Dave Barry went into it a bit, but I've read other reviews about this as well.
Anastasia spends the book thinking she can change Christian and make him into her vision of a good boyfriend, and Christian spends the book asking her to do sexual things that she's not ready for and controlling her life beyond what a good dominant sexual partner should do. Properly-done BDSM relies so much on trust and respecting boundaries, and there are times when Christian pushes her beyond what she's comfortable with and sometimes he even punishes her for reacting negatively to something; and that makes these scenes sexual assaults rather than fully consensual sex. She doesn't stand up for herself, she's too overcome with desire for him because he's so dang hot.
He stalks her, which is absolutely not a desirable thing despite what Hollywood likes to portray. But because Christian is super hot then the stalking is somehow okay. I'm still preparing for my upcoming self-defense class and there are so many issues I have with the stalking and boundary crossing aspects of this book, but I won't get into that here.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Now, if this book inspires women to explore their own sexuality, then that's fantastic! Humans, both men and women, are sexual beings; wanting to try BDSM doesn't make you weird or troubled or a sinner or a freak. You're fine. But I'm concerned that too many women will think Christian's and Anastasia's relationship is what a good BDSM relationship looks like, because it isn't (just like girls who read Twilight are told to believe that the controlling, intimidating, forceful, and stalking actions of the men are signs of love). If you want to know what makes a healthy BDSM relationship then you can find it on the internet, there's some good information out there.
Ultimately I think women who have read Fifty Shades of Grey will be disappointed with the movie because of this simple fact: it's only rated R. This book is pornographic, no doubt about it, and the R-rated movie's details will come nowhere close to the stuff they read and liked in the book. But hey, if watching the movie will get women interested in having sex more often with their husbands and being open minded to trying new things, then that's one good thing to take away from the movie. ;)
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Celebrations
I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to define what's meaningful to me and what's important enough to me to celebrate. What
kick-started all of this was: 1) I had no desire to celebrate Christmas this year and yet I had nothing else planned to take its place; and 2) watching the
movie "Interstellar" with Mc over Christmas vacation. The movie deals with scientists traveling to other worlds to look for one that can sustain the human race because Earth is suffering from a blight which is making food scarce. It's a good movie, I recommend it.
The afterlife (if there even is one) and our purpose in the universe-- that's all beyond any living person's realm of understanding right now. But what I do understand is Earth, the one planet in all the galaxies we've discovered so far that can enable us to survive. I have a desire to celebrate the Earth and show my appreciation for the incredible world that it is.
Here are the days and events that we in the United States celebrate:
USA's federal holidays:
New Year's Day, Martin Luther King Jr.'s and George Washington's birthdays, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
USA's other observances:
Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, Saint Patrick's Day, Earth Day, Arbor Day, Mother's Day, Flag Day, Father's Day, Patriot Day, Halloween, and Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.
Religious holidays:
Easter, Ramadan, Hanuka, Kwanza, and perhaps others that I don't know about that aren't mainstream.
You can find the basic details for most of those here: http://www.usa.gov/citizens/holidays.shtml
As I look at each of those holidays and days of celebration, I see that most of them are to celebrate people or events that are important to American citizens, and almost none of them are centered around the Earth or its seasons.
So first off, I've decided to celebrate the Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice, Fall Equinox, and Winter Solstice because those are natural, reoccurring events for the Earth. In addition to that, I'm changing the day I celebrate New Year's Day. The Gregorian calendar doesn't follow the seasons; I have no idea why New Year's Day occurs in the middle of winter. In Earth terms, Spring means new life for grass and trees and many animals, and it makes sense to me to count the first day of Spring as the start of the new year. So this year when I created my 2015 wall calendar, I designed the calendar's year to start in March 2015 and end in February 2016. Mc supports me in this, which makes me smile. I will also celebrate Earth Day and Arbor Day, and I'll still watch the movie "Groundhog Day" on Groundhog Day. :)
As far as the non-Earth celebrations, I'll celebrate Mc's and the kids' and my birthdays, my wedding anniversary, and Mother's Day and Father's Day. Mc likes the idea of a day celebrating love, so we'll celebrate a kind of Valentine's Day, but it won't be on Feb. 14th and we won't call it a Valentine's Day celebration either.
I will celebrate Independence Day because that's the day we officially said "We've had enough!" to an oppressive power and declared that we're going to do things our way. It took guts for the members of Congress to sign the Declaration of Independence and for our troops to fight for our freedom, and I appreciate that. However, I absolutely will not celebrate "Patriot Day" or "Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day" because I don't want to remember events that were physical attacks on our country and which brought us full force into WWII and seemingly permanent conflicts in the Middle East, respectively. Nope, to me that's nothing to celebrate or remember (especially since I know no one personally who was killed in either of those attacks, so I have no one's memory to honor).
Thanksgiving hasn't sat well with me for a long time because the Native Americans helped the European settlers survive their first winter here, and then our government turned around and screwed over the Native American tribes later on. Trail of Tears, anyone? There are many more acts occurring all the time which threaten their sacred lands and the local drinking water, it's despicable! So no, I will not celebrate Thanksgiving even though the historical meaning has been lost in recent years and it's become a being-grateful-in-general holiday. I will also not celebrate Columbus Day. Interestingly enough, Seattle has changed the name of Columbus Day to "Indigenous Peoples' Day"; you can read about it here on the NPR website: http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/10/12/354274630/seattle-swaps-columbus-day-for-indigenous-peoples-day
I'm no longer a Christian, and so Jesus-centered celebrations like Christmas and Easter aren't important to me; however, mainstream Easter celebrations involve eggs and hatched chicks and bunnies, which is closer to celebrating Spring than Jesus's resurrection, so I'll find a way to incorporate secular Easter celebrations with the Spring Equinox.
I feel a little radical, but at the same time I choose to see it as thinking out-of-the-box. There isn't one correct way to celebrate something, and there's nothing that says I have to celebrate anything. I've chosen the USA-sanctioned holidays and celebrations that are important to me and I'm choosing to ignore the others.
Part of me hates that I keep doing this to myself-- deconstructing parts of my life and then rebuilding them in a way that fits who I am. It started with the church and now I'm doing it with other areas of my life, too. I suffer from nagging feelings of pointlessness, which I will likely have for the rest of my life. It takes some effort for me to ignore those feelings; and if I'm going to find any meaning in my life, I need to start from the ground up and create meaning. It's a difficult process for me but it feels nice when I've sorted things out and I have a plan and I'm ready to move forward.
The afterlife (if there even is one) and our purpose in the universe-- that's all beyond any living person's realm of understanding right now. But what I do understand is Earth, the one planet in all the galaxies we've discovered so far that can enable us to survive. I have a desire to celebrate the Earth and show my appreciation for the incredible world that it is.
Here are the days and events that we in the United States celebrate:
USA's federal holidays:
New Year's Day, Martin Luther King Jr.'s and George Washington's birthdays, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
USA's other observances:
Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, Saint Patrick's Day, Earth Day, Arbor Day, Mother's Day, Flag Day, Father's Day, Patriot Day, Halloween, and Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.
Religious holidays:
Easter, Ramadan, Hanuka, Kwanza, and perhaps others that I don't know about that aren't mainstream.
You can find the basic details for most of those here: http://www.usa.gov/citizens/holidays.shtml
As I look at each of those holidays and days of celebration, I see that most of them are to celebrate people or events that are important to American citizens, and almost none of them are centered around the Earth or its seasons.
So first off, I've decided to celebrate the Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice, Fall Equinox, and Winter Solstice because those are natural, reoccurring events for the Earth. In addition to that, I'm changing the day I celebrate New Year's Day. The Gregorian calendar doesn't follow the seasons; I have no idea why New Year's Day occurs in the middle of winter. In Earth terms, Spring means new life for grass and trees and many animals, and it makes sense to me to count the first day of Spring as the start of the new year. So this year when I created my 2015 wall calendar, I designed the calendar's year to start in March 2015 and end in February 2016. Mc supports me in this, which makes me smile. I will also celebrate Earth Day and Arbor Day, and I'll still watch the movie "Groundhog Day" on Groundhog Day. :)
As far as the non-Earth celebrations, I'll celebrate Mc's and the kids' and my birthdays, my wedding anniversary, and Mother's Day and Father's Day. Mc likes the idea of a day celebrating love, so we'll celebrate a kind of Valentine's Day, but it won't be on Feb. 14th and we won't call it a Valentine's Day celebration either.
I will celebrate Independence Day because that's the day we officially said "We've had enough!" to an oppressive power and declared that we're going to do things our way. It took guts for the members of Congress to sign the Declaration of Independence and for our troops to fight for our freedom, and I appreciate that. However, I absolutely will not celebrate "Patriot Day" or "Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day" because I don't want to remember events that were physical attacks on our country and which brought us full force into WWII and seemingly permanent conflicts in the Middle East, respectively. Nope, to me that's nothing to celebrate or remember (especially since I know no one personally who was killed in either of those attacks, so I have no one's memory to honor).
Thanksgiving hasn't sat well with me for a long time because the Native Americans helped the European settlers survive their first winter here, and then our government turned around and screwed over the Native American tribes later on. Trail of Tears, anyone? There are many more acts occurring all the time which threaten their sacred lands and the local drinking water, it's despicable! So no, I will not celebrate Thanksgiving even though the historical meaning has been lost in recent years and it's become a being-grateful-in-general holiday. I will also not celebrate Columbus Day. Interestingly enough, Seattle has changed the name of Columbus Day to "Indigenous Peoples' Day"; you can read about it here on the NPR website: http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/10/12/354274630/seattle-swaps-columbus-day-for-indigenous-peoples-day
I'm no longer a Christian, and so Jesus-centered celebrations like Christmas and Easter aren't important to me; however, mainstream Easter celebrations involve eggs and hatched chicks and bunnies, which is closer to celebrating Spring than Jesus's resurrection, so I'll find a way to incorporate secular Easter celebrations with the Spring Equinox.
I feel a little radical, but at the same time I choose to see it as thinking out-of-the-box. There isn't one correct way to celebrate something, and there's nothing that says I have to celebrate anything. I've chosen the USA-sanctioned holidays and celebrations that are important to me and I'm choosing to ignore the others.
Part of me hates that I keep doing this to myself-- deconstructing parts of my life and then rebuilding them in a way that fits who I am. It started with the church and now I'm doing it with other areas of my life, too. I suffer from nagging feelings of pointlessness, which I will likely have for the rest of my life. It takes some effort for me to ignore those feelings; and if I'm going to find any meaning in my life, I need to start from the ground up and create meaning. It's a difficult process for me but it feels nice when I've sorted things out and I have a plan and I'm ready to move forward.
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