Nothing really eventful is going on right now, just getting used to life up here.
* The kids are still in California with my parents. Back in Arizona I had let myself get completely overwhelmed with motherhood and
housework and everything, and so I'm taking this time away from the kids to help
me reset and recharge and reevaluate how I'm handling situations and
stress and life in general. Mc and I miss them a lot and we're really looking forward to when they'll be here with us; I feel that in a couple more weeks I'll be ready. I'm so grateful to my parents for helping me with the kids during this time.
* I went to my first Ex-Mormon meetup group activity last week: we went
hiking up one of the mountains around here. The hike was a little
difficult because I'm out of shape, but it was refreshing to be able to
talk to people face to face about leaving the church. It was quite
therapeutic, and the fresh air and trees and being in nature were good
for me, too. And I made it to the top of the mountain!
* I've decided that I prefer apartment-living to homeownership. Here in our apartment I feel like I'm part of a community, and I like that feeling. If we decide to move sometime in the future it'll likely be to another apartment complex or townhouse-- and it will be closer to Mc's work, not farther-- but so far this apartment is working for us and I can see it working for us for a while. There are some things I wish we could do to an apartment like have walls and ceilings made of very sturdy glass (I'm rather fanatical when it comes to natural light in the house), but customization like that will probably never happen. ;) Still, for me the feeling of community is more important than being able to customize a house to my every liking.
* I'm ready to make new friends. Reconnecting with people on Facebook has been wonderful, but social media sites are poor substitutes for in-person interaction and friendships. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know other people, but it's hard for me to open up and let people get to know me and to make friends. But I'm up for a change and so Mc will find young couples in his ward who live around here and see if they're up for hanging out sometime (and the fact that they'll be Mormon doesn't bother me in the slightest). ;)
So yeah, nothing truly eventful going on, but life is good out here and it's much better for me now than it was back in Arizona. And when the kids get up here I'll be a much better mommy than I have been up until now.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Glad for the Many Changes
I've been in the Seattle area for 2 weeks now, and things are coming along!
Seattle vs. Phoenix
Oh my gosh, the difference is awesome! My skin and hair don't feel dry anymore, and seeing and feeling the rain is wonderful. There are trees everywhere and the air smells so fresh. I'm really looking forward to being able to go outside with the kids in the summer, which we could never do in the Phoenix valley.
Apartment
Downsizing was a great experience for me because I was able to donate and throw away a lot of things that we didn't need and never really used, things that were just taking up space. It's made life less cluttered and more simple, and I like it. I bought some lamps whose bulbs simulate daylight to combat the darkness in the apartment on gloomy days (150 watts, 6500 Kelvin-- that's the good stuff!). I've got the apartment about halfway unpacked-- I tackled the common areas first and now I'm working on finishing our bedroom and then it's on to the kids' rooms. I'm not a creative person but I'm going to look for kids' decorations for their rooms that are cute and age-appropriate so that they'll feel at home when they arrive here.
Kids
The kids are still with my parents in California. Mc and I both miss them, but at the same time I'm glad that I have the time to focus on getting the apartment ready without needing to focus on their schedules as well. I think they miss us too, especially Baby Girl, but they're eating well and they have a good routine going, and they're happy.
Mother's Day
We were able to Skype with Mc's parents and mine, and we said hi to the kids, too. It was nice talking with our parents, and it was great seeing the kids. Little One is talking just a little bit more, and Baby Girl was so happy to see us; she had a big smile on her face and she said, "I like you, Daddy! I like you, Mommy!" We love her and her brother, and they're sweet kids. I am so grateful to my parents for taking care of them for us while we packed, moved, and are unpacking.
Mc's Job
Mc likes his job so far. He had to jump right in and learn a ton of things at once, but he's getting the hang of things and I think he likes the people he works with. Amazon is a huge company and it will be around for a while, and so we'll likely be here for a long while as well. He rides the bus to and from work which takes over an hour each way, but it's faster than a car would be when rush-hour traffic hits. The sun goes down late here on the West Coast, so it's still fairly light outside when he gets home in the evening, so there will be time and daylight to play with the kids at the park and stuff.
Me
Kid-Free
I've been kid-free for 5 weeks now and it has been a much needed break for me. Some mothers absolutely LOVE being mothers and they can't bear to be away for their children for even a day. I'm not that kind of mother. While I love my kids very much, they drain me of energy every day and I feel like this is the first decent stretch of time in the past 4 years that I've gotten good sleep. I'm not a good multi-tasker-- meaning that I can't do an awesome job at more than one thing at a time-- which is why I'm struggling with being a mother and a housekeeper: I can't devote my attention to either one successfully. This smaller apartment will be much easier for me to upkeep than was the 5-bedroom house. Less time for cleaning = more time I can devote to the kids and having fun with them and teaching them.
Facebook
I rejoined Facebook this past week. It's been a year and a half since I deleted my old account, and at first the break was necessary because I felt I was spending too much time on there. But for months now I've been feeling isolated from the people I care about and who care about me. The reality of our society is that if you don't live near friends or family, Facebook and other social media sites are the way people stay in touch, and I came back so that I could be connected to family and close friends again. It's been about a week now, and I already feel better.
Cell Phone
This weekend we got me a new cell phone (it's a flip phone). I got rid of my old cell phone 3 years ago when we moved to Arizona and we got a house phone. It was a symbol for me of finally staying in one place and settling down. Cell phones mean you're mobile, house phones mean you're settled, and at the time I thought we were going to be in Arizona for good. Now that's changed, and that's okay-- we have a house phone here, too. But I want a cell phone for safety when I go out with the kids, just in case of an emergency. So while I really do think we'll be settled in the Seattle area, the cell phone is for safety. Oh, and Mc got his first Smartphone this weekend; he's having fun with it. ;)
Ex-Mormon Support Group
A week ago Mc and I had a good long talk with my parents about how I'm doing, and one of the things I told them is that I'm having a hard time with religion. Leaving the LDS church was the right decision for me and I don't regret it one bit, but since then so much of my belief system has changed and disappeared and I have no one I can talk to about it face-to-face. Mc, my family and Mc's family love me, but they're all Mormon and I can't talk to them about what I'm thinking or feeling because there's a good chance it'll offend them. I can't talk about it with people who have never been members because they can't quite understand where I'm coming from. I have two friends who have left the church who I want to talk to about it, but they're both guys and they're married (and their spouses aren't ex-Mormons like they are), so we can't have the necessary alone-time to talk about our experiences. I have two uncles who I could talk to about it, but they live far away and for right now I need face-time. So I googled "support group for ex-mormons" and I found an Ex-Mormon Meetup group that is for people like me who have left the church who want/need to talk face-to-face with others who understand what they're going through. There are quite a few of these groups across the country (lots in Utah), and there's one here in Seattle whose casual events I'll be attending. Mc is supportive of me with this because being able to talk about my experiences and my struggles will help me to deal with them and move on and be happy, and he wants me to be happy.
Well, that's about it for now. Lots of changes, and all of them are good ones. The apartment will be all set up soon and the kids will be here in 2 or 3 weeks, and then our new life as a family will start. I'm looking forward to it. :)
Seattle vs. Phoenix
Oh my gosh, the difference is awesome! My skin and hair don't feel dry anymore, and seeing and feeling the rain is wonderful. There are trees everywhere and the air smells so fresh. I'm really looking forward to being able to go outside with the kids in the summer, which we could never do in the Phoenix valley.
Apartment
Downsizing was a great experience for me because I was able to donate and throw away a lot of things that we didn't need and never really used, things that were just taking up space. It's made life less cluttered and more simple, and I like it. I bought some lamps whose bulbs simulate daylight to combat the darkness in the apartment on gloomy days (150 watts, 6500 Kelvin-- that's the good stuff!). I've got the apartment about halfway unpacked-- I tackled the common areas first and now I'm working on finishing our bedroom and then it's on to the kids' rooms. I'm not a creative person but I'm going to look for kids' decorations for their rooms that are cute and age-appropriate so that they'll feel at home when they arrive here.
Kids
The kids are still with my parents in California. Mc and I both miss them, but at the same time I'm glad that I have the time to focus on getting the apartment ready without needing to focus on their schedules as well. I think they miss us too, especially Baby Girl, but they're eating well and they have a good routine going, and they're happy.
Mother's Day
We were able to Skype with Mc's parents and mine, and we said hi to the kids, too. It was nice talking with our parents, and it was great seeing the kids. Little One is talking just a little bit more, and Baby Girl was so happy to see us; she had a big smile on her face and she said, "I like you, Daddy! I like you, Mommy!" We love her and her brother, and they're sweet kids. I am so grateful to my parents for taking care of them for us while we packed, moved, and are unpacking.
Mc's Job
Mc likes his job so far. He had to jump right in and learn a ton of things at once, but he's getting the hang of things and I think he likes the people he works with. Amazon is a huge company and it will be around for a while, and so we'll likely be here for a long while as well. He rides the bus to and from work which takes over an hour each way, but it's faster than a car would be when rush-hour traffic hits. The sun goes down late here on the West Coast, so it's still fairly light outside when he gets home in the evening, so there will be time and daylight to play with the kids at the park and stuff.
Me
Kid-Free
I've been kid-free for 5 weeks now and it has been a much needed break for me. Some mothers absolutely LOVE being mothers and they can't bear to be away for their children for even a day. I'm not that kind of mother. While I love my kids very much, they drain me of energy every day and I feel like this is the first decent stretch of time in the past 4 years that I've gotten good sleep. I'm not a good multi-tasker-- meaning that I can't do an awesome job at more than one thing at a time-- which is why I'm struggling with being a mother and a housekeeper: I can't devote my attention to either one successfully. This smaller apartment will be much easier for me to upkeep than was the 5-bedroom house. Less time for cleaning = more time I can devote to the kids and having fun with them and teaching them.
I rejoined Facebook this past week. It's been a year and a half since I deleted my old account, and at first the break was necessary because I felt I was spending too much time on there. But for months now I've been feeling isolated from the people I care about and who care about me. The reality of our society is that if you don't live near friends or family, Facebook and other social media sites are the way people stay in touch, and I came back so that I could be connected to family and close friends again. It's been about a week now, and I already feel better.
Cell Phone
This weekend we got me a new cell phone (it's a flip phone). I got rid of my old cell phone 3 years ago when we moved to Arizona and we got a house phone. It was a symbol for me of finally staying in one place and settling down. Cell phones mean you're mobile, house phones mean you're settled, and at the time I thought we were going to be in Arizona for good. Now that's changed, and that's okay-- we have a house phone here, too. But I want a cell phone for safety when I go out with the kids, just in case of an emergency. So while I really do think we'll be settled in the Seattle area, the cell phone is for safety. Oh, and Mc got his first Smartphone this weekend; he's having fun with it. ;)
Ex-Mormon Support Group
A week ago Mc and I had a good long talk with my parents about how I'm doing, and one of the things I told them is that I'm having a hard time with religion. Leaving the LDS church was the right decision for me and I don't regret it one bit, but since then so much of my belief system has changed and disappeared and I have no one I can talk to about it face-to-face. Mc, my family and Mc's family love me, but they're all Mormon and I can't talk to them about what I'm thinking or feeling because there's a good chance it'll offend them. I can't talk about it with people who have never been members because they can't quite understand where I'm coming from. I have two friends who have left the church who I want to talk to about it, but they're both guys and they're married (and their spouses aren't ex-Mormons like they are), so we can't have the necessary alone-time to talk about our experiences. I have two uncles who I could talk to about it, but they live far away and for right now I need face-time. So I googled "support group for ex-mormons" and I found an Ex-Mormon Meetup group that is for people like me who have left the church who want/need to talk face-to-face with others who understand what they're going through. There are quite a few of these groups across the country (lots in Utah), and there's one here in Seattle whose casual events I'll be attending. Mc is supportive of me with this because being able to talk about my experiences and my struggles will help me to deal with them and move on and be happy, and he wants me to be happy.
Well, that's about it for now. Lots of changes, and all of them are good ones. The apartment will be all set up soon and the kids will be here in 2 or 3 weeks, and then our new life as a family will start. I'm looking forward to it. :)
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