That Time of the Month is pretty annoying and inconvenient and occasionally painful, but what bothers me the most about it is the mood swings.
It's not only that I swing quickly from one mood to another, it's that my swinging emotions are much more intense than usual-- so when I'm happy, I'm joyful; when I'm sad, I cry. I get a very short fuse, and if I'm feeling down, then I feel lost and depressed.
That's where I am today. I was going to take the kids out to the park this morning, but then I looked outside and it was raining, and I felt this instant panicky feeling of being trapped inside the apartment. And all day today I've felt... lost, for lack of a better word. I'm taking care of the kids' needs and all of that, but I feel lost, without direction, just unable to do anything. I'm finding myself staring at the clock, just waiting for the day to be over. I hate this feeling and I hate that I can't shake it off.
I'm also feeling lonely. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely; I'm used to being alone and it doesn't bother me, but today I'm feeling lonely and it hurts.
A few months ago I removed a few acquaintances from my Facebook friends list. All of the people I've kept on my friends list are family members and friends who mean a lot to me, because they're the reason I came back to Facebook in the first place. And none of them live around me. I had made a friend up here who had kids the same age as mine, but they recently moved back to Utah. For months I had been making attempts to befriend the wife of one of Mc's friends up here, only to have confirmed a couple of days ago that she wants nothing to do with me. She doesn't know me well at all and yet she had made up her mind about me a while ago, and it appears she didn't want anything to change her mind because she had been rejecting my offers to spend time together and to get to know each other better. So fine, she wants me out of her life and now I am. But it makes me sad because I genuinely wanted to be her friend and get to know her despite our personality differences, and she didn't want to try at all. It's especially hard on me because I am not an outgoing person and I don't make friends easily; so the fact that I was putting myself out there and trying, it makes it that much harder to deal with. The worst part of all of that, though, is this falling out between me and her will likely affect my friendship with her husband who I consider one of my friends. So quite possibly there goes another friendship out the window. Earlier today that incident wasn't on my mind, but thanks to these mood swings it's back in full force.
I hope people spend time in person with family and close friends who live near them, because trust me, it sucks when all the people who care about you and enjoy your company (husband and kids excluded) are hundreds or even thousands of miles away.
And I really hope these mood swings end soon because they're pissing me off!
1 comment:
She's not the only fish in the sea. There are other good people that you can reach out to that will reach back. Keep trying.
I have suffered from anxiety and at times, depression for years. I finally found a vitamin that has helped to keep me more even keel. It is so great to not have lows and feelings of hopelessness. I still feel anxious at times, but not to the levels I had before. It is more manageable. The vitamins are from Q Science, Q96. Check out their website. Maybe it is something that would help you too.
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